Grinding Halt

Because there's so much construction in my neighbourhood (higher learning=expansion), it's becoming increasingly difficult to actually skate home in a linear fashion. So I end up taking detours, which means I'm rolling blind in the dark and that's when I end up landing flat on a huge chunk of concrete thus causing my wheel to stop turning entirely, and making for a rather long journey home (no skate tool in sight, it's in my other bag).

At least it's almost the end of the summer so this won't really cramp my style too much if the wheel is totally fucked (which I don't think it is)

UPDATE: The wheel is fine, it's the truck axle itself that fucked. It seems that I stripped the axle because I didn't realize the wheel had jammed until I got a lot further home than the scene of the crime and now the wheel just pops off willy nilly. So this means either relying on my other skateboard for transport (not practical, I'd prefer just to buy a new truck) or just dealing until next season...

The Food Court Showdown

I'm perusing the insanely busy food court trying to spy an empty seat so that I don't have to sit across from some random at a 4-person or worse yet, a 2-person, table when I spy a couple of empty seats by the pillar.

I was in a somewhat foul mood because my attempt to get McDonald's was thwarted by the throngs of ringette-tournament tourists in the mall who were also jonesing for some McD's it seems (because McDonald's in Edmonton is vastly different from the McDonald's in Hinton?) so I settled on Taco Bell.

I set my tray down only to have the guy on the other side of the pillar lean in and state "Uh, do you mind? I'm saving these seats for three people" with this entirely dead serious look on his face. I look at him blankly, and politely decline to relocate (I'm hungry/fuck off!) at which point he turns to his companion and remarks indignantly "I'm saving the seats!"

Now, I'm kinda miffed and I face him and say "Dude, this is a food court, not a bus in kindergarten - you cant just save seats!" to which he replies "I'm just saying, I was saving the seats for people who are getting food. Where are they supposed to sit". "I don't really see how that in any way affects me" is my terse response, and we proceeded to have what cold easily be described as the most awkward lunch date ever.

Both of us refused to give in to the other's wishes so he simply talked ultra-loud in my ear to one of his companions (who had since joined the pillar table) who was seated on the other side of me.

I can just picture his recounting of the story to his wife/anyone else who will listen "...and then the aggressive black girl refused to give up her seat! I mean, what kind of world do we live in?"

On a scale of 1 to 10 how inappropriate would you say it was

The Producer ambled down the stairs and I laughed as I chatted with a coworker. He came into the store to find out what was so funny (the way he walks, it's cute, but still funny) and we got to chatting. Somehow we got on the topic of sexual harassment (I think I jokingly accused a coworker after a rather sexually-charged comment) and he said that if I thought that was bad, that I definitely wouldn't be able to hack it at his store.

I disagreed, because that's just how I roll and told him that there was no way that they could top any of the inappropriate conversations we have in our store. This was obviously a challenge he couldn't back down from so he told a mildly racy, but ultimately boring story about sex in the change rooms.

Yawn.

I laughed it off and then mentioned that previously I had jokingly made some sort of comment about fucking a coworker with a strap on.

The look on his face was priceless and I had to smirk.

"I win!" I teasingly gloated and he stood there mouth agape. More witty banter ensued and he eventually left (most likely to tell the boys that we're not nearly as innocent as we look)

My mild autism brings all the boys to the yard

So Phil is freaking out about whether or not he has Autism and I'm all like I've always thought I had some sort of mild form of autism because I can remember the most random shit ever (like pretty much every SKU code in our store, long strings of numbers and I'm always spewing out random factoids for customers and coworkers alike) so I took this test and I got a 32.

Huh...

Anyone else get a score in that range?

I don't really care if I'm autistic or not but I'll take pretty much anything to give me an edge over other applicants when it comes to applying for med school short of mentioning that my family (ahem) kinda has a building named after them at one of Canada's better universities and we were also kinda pioneers in the field of pathology.

We regret to inform you

...that we will not be posting today in favour of spending all day in bed (not sleeping) and possibly going out for sushi/doing laundry.

This has been yet another installment of lifestyles of the rich & famous.

Stalkers 'R' Us

...I spent unfathomable amounts of time creeping on various people's (read: crushes) myspace/nexopia pages last night instead of studying.

I just though y'all should know that I'm officially sad.

That is all.

On the joy of sex (for one)

The Pansy: Fuck it! I'm not going to psych tomorrow.
The Pansy: I'm just going to get up early and read
Team Gingerbread: ...and by 'read' you mean get off?
The Pansy: I can multitask - the other day I watched Grey's Anatomy, masturbated, and read for school all at the same time
Team Gingerbread: (laughs)

The one with the sleepover

...wherein we watch the complete first seasons of both Beverly Hills: 90210 and Melrose Place. skate videos and eat pizza.

The facts of life

When I came back from my break at work today, The Pansy told me a rather troubling story. It seems that one of our coworkers (The Cave Dweller) isn't exactly versed on the birds and the bees.

She had called in sick from work on the previous day, and upon being asked for further details it came to light that she had been feeling really nauseous and tired as of late. She told us that she had called her mother who had jokingly angrily questioned if she was pregnant to which she replied "Um, no I don't think so..."

Obviously The Pansy then asked her if she was sure.

Her answer astounded me.

"Well my boyfriend said that if he pulled out, I wouldn't get pregnant!"

(The Pansy and Team Gingerbread in the shrillest voices possible)

"Um, are you kidding me?!? You know that doesn't work right?"

"Uh well we've been doing it for 2 years and I haven't gotten pregnant so far..." The Cave Dweller rebutted.

"Uh, that doesn't really mean anything you know" and "Didn't you have sex ed in school?"

"Uh, no. We had it in grade 7 but I got kicked out of the class for laughing"

"Typical. This is the kind of stuff you cover you know!"

After about 10 to 20 minutes of sheer stupefaction we decided that we'd have to educate her ourselves. I didn't really think it was possible for people to not be completely informed about this stuff in this day and age, but apparently so.

I've always kind of joked about how this girl lives in a cave (she hadn't heard of myspace) but this is outrageous.

Team [Whipsmart]

Apparently, according to The Archaeologist and [redacted], I can sass (aka. take down a peg) pretty much anyone, anytime with amazing accuracy and comedic timing.

I of course take this to be quite the compliment and am also flattered that TA and [redacted] spend so much of their free time thinking about me.

I think this only came up because TA has decided to grow out his mustache in order to perfect his Hallowe'en costume, and some of my coworkers were excited to see/hear my violent reaction to his new 'perv-stache'.

I delivered, and in the process, TA tried to make fun of me for calling [redacted] 3 times over the course of one night. I quickly put him in his place and replied that I had not, in fact, called 3 times as he had alleged, but texted twice and called once (and I only called to let them know that we weren't waiting for them anymore because we were drunk and bored, so we were heading to the bar).

Then I made him feel bad for ditching out, and threatened to cut him off socially, I feel like a queen bee.

My mother would be proud.

On relative purity and strange boys

The Pansy: You mean I have to count how many people I've slept with?
Team Gingerbread: Oh, you're one of those girls!
The Pansy: (indignantly) I'm not 'one of those girls', I just don't want to have to count...
Team Gingerbread: ...because then it reminds you that you are, in fact, 'one of those girls'!

Derelicte (to team gingerbread, on her pink vest): Oooh! You look like a giant strawberry
Team Gingerbread: (warily) Um, thanks?
Derelicte: No, it's a compliment. I could take a giant bite out of your face
Team Gingerbread: Again, thanks...

Happy Friday everyone!

MTV Live...or how I watched 5 episodes of Laguna Beach

I am officially a loser.

I chose staying in tonight to watch Laguna Beach and make myself a romantic dinner for one over going to a frat party, the only thing missing was the wine, but I prefer not to drink alone.

Seriously MTV, you couldn't find anyone funnier that Jessi Cruickshank? It's not so much the fact that she's categorically unfunny - but it doesn't help. Her comedic timing blows. Remember how much Amanda Walsh sucked when she first started on Much Music?

Well, this Jessi chick is worse.

You can understand my shock when I found out this girl actually has an extensive background in the performing arts.

According to the CNW Group, Cruickshank is a graduate of the U of T's University College Drama Program, the recipient of the John Wolfe Mccall Memorial Award for top student in drama and a prestigious scholarship with the Soulpepper Theatre Company. Her previous TV credits include YTV and the Pretender (no sarcastic comments here, I was actually a pretty big fan of the show).

The hamming it up thing totally makes sense now; on YTV (a kid's network), over-acting is de rigueur - kids just won't be able to 'pick up what you're putting down' unless it's rammed down their grubby little throats.

Classic Jessi lines:


"I like how we're sitting on a gazillion dollar set and we're all wearing street clothes..."


"I'm a vegetarian, but isn't one chicken breast not a lot to feed four people?"


"Oil doesn't belong in cars, it only belongs on your body in Cabo" (granted she was imitating someone)


"Maybe if she had worn the penis hat to the audition it might have gone better. Kazow! Bam! Right there!" (you could see the audience kinda scratching their heads and wondering "Did she just say 'Kazaa', like the file sharing program?")


"Look at her, she's double-fisting! 1, 2 drinks in her hand..." (um yeah, that's kind of what the term 'double-fisting' implies unless of course you're referring to the double-fisting incident of 1st year rez, but that's another story entirely)


"Look at that shirt! What, is he 65?" (he was wearing a polo shirt while golfing. obviously you've never been to a golf course or country club, because if you had you'd realize that they usually have a dress code that. the rule of thumb is: if you don't have a shirt with a collar, make sure it has sleeves and if you hon't have sleeves make sure you have a collar.)


I don't know, maybe they have a telepromter feeding her all these craptacular lines but the girl just needs to shut up.

"I'm going to eat your bread bitch!" (Pancake on sharing my garlic bread)

Priorities

Sometimes, when I'm worried that I'm wasting my life away, I'm thankful that I'm not this woman.

I'm not hungover, the beer isn't digesting well, ok?

Don't look now, but your Grandmother just bought it*

I am Martha Stewart crossed with a dominatrix.

[Ed. I orignally had the results from this stupid test that I wasted 10 minutes on this afternoon, but it was ugly, so I took it down]
According to this test (which takes an obscene amount of time to fill out), my dominant personality traits are:
My orderliness, my eternal quest for conflict and my inherent need for dominance. Sweet!

I was reminded of the two hours I spent procrastinating last night, by this post from Kate over at Logged Hours (which is officially my new fave blog because her job seems to afford her as much miscellaneous time as mine does). She describes the random blogs that you stumble upon (or the randoms that somehow find yours) via the NavBar at the top of the page. Kate refers to some 13 year old girl's public diary that outlines quest for popularity and the struggles said 13-year-old grapples with on a daily basis (like the fact that she has hooked up with all the 'cute guitar players at her school').

I tried to get a headstart on my gender paper, but apparently I'm doomed to finish it while I'm a little tipsy after our Wednesday Night Social, whatevs. Instead I spent the better part of two hours checking my site traffic and clicking the 'next blog' button on the NavBar. Like Kate I encountered a fair amount of Thai animal photo blogs, and gems like these.

The first one really speaks for itself, I dare you to read it and not have a seizure from the random dropping of vowels and consonants and equally haphazard misuse of uppercase letters.

The second comes from a potential suicide-bomber (for the record I'm not a raging bigot, I only say this because he refers to himself as a 'martyr - One who makes great sacrifices or suffers much in order to further a belief, cause, or principle; the trustful spiritual one' - or maybe that's just the meaning behind his name; either way writing rather open-ended stuff like that on your blog can only lead to people making assumptions when you appear to be of Middle Eastern descent).

The third one is so cute it makes me sick.


*A gold quote from George's boss on Dead Like Me

Selling out...or just selling my soul

When I went to Vancouver to visit a friend/see a concert, my friend confided in me that she was obsessed with craigslist and that anything/everything you'd every wanted or needed was available there. I highly doubted her, but I gave it a go and we found our new roommate there. I also, on a whim, posted in the jobs wanted category.

I'm not really good at looking for jobs, since they've always just kinda fallen into my lap and such. So I posted an ad on craigslist describing what I'd like in a job, why I hated my other summer jobs, and how to contact me, not really expecting anything to come from it. Last night I got an email from someone who works at a museum near Edmonton offering me a summer position. The job doesn't really pay all that well, but it's also only 30hrs a week (from 10-4 no less) so I could always get a second job on weekends or at night, and it's in my field.

The only problem with this job is that it's outside of Edmonton, and I don't have a car (or a driver's license - Ontario has a graduated licensing system and since I skipped 2 grades, by the time I was 16, I had almost graduated, and I've always lived downtown).

So now I need someone who'd be willing to drive me to and from Stony Plain every day this summer. Maybe I'll post another ad.

But if you live in Edmonton, and want to chauffeur me around all summer, email me (the address in on my profile page). I'm sure we could work something out.

Ba-zing!

Latte WINS!

Purity Test Score.. a whopping 348!
i'd just like to let everyone know that, yet again, i win the challenge to be the worst role model in the house (the Gateway Purity Test) ... i will not gloat too much, as i only won by a slim margin, and with my "number of partners" snagging those last winning points i can only say that a couple one night stands.... pay off? hmmmm.

Purity test results

344. That's my score from this year's test.

Latte and I always compete for top honours, last year she won (or lost depending on your point of view) by 5 points.

team gingerbread likes it on top

posted by team latte at 4:53 PM 0 comments links to this post
Purity is such a relative thing...
...It's Valentine's Day which can only mean one thing; the Gateway Purity Test is back! The link is for last year's test, but you get the idea.


I haven't had a chance to fill it out yet because of my newest crush: beef jerky. I love beef jerky so much that it hurts. I've eaten 2 bags since saturday, and I'm almost certain my roommates are planning an intervention.


Since it's V-Day, I've decided to bless you with some sex-related stories.


So we're just casually chatting (myself, Pancake, and Onion) in Pancakes room and all of a sudden, Onion yells out ' I had sex with Convict!'. Convict is this guy that we met while we were on our New Year's trip, and this admission entirely unprovoked. We were just talking about embarassing hookups, and all; of a sudden we were dying on the floor laughing. It's not that the Onion/Convict hookup was unexpected it was just the timing.


I'm taking two gender classes this term (the anthropology of gender bein the more interesting one of the two). Lately we've been talking about mutual masturbation among the bonobo and we have to read some really interesting position papers on related topics. Apparently primatologists will measure anything they can get their hands on. We spent an entire class chatting about testes weight to body weight ratio of primates and humans.


and then the prof busts out this one-liner:


All my girlfriends are pregnant (or recently had kids) because of the hockey strike. No really, they didn't have anything else to do!

Happy Birthday Kat!

It's my friend Katherine's 22nd birthday today. The only reason we never forget each other's birthdays is because we were born 2 days apart; since my birthday was on Monday, I am obviously the more mature one. We were the twin terrors when we live in rez together, it was a total trainwreck when we went out drinking together, which was every day b/c we were in first year.


In rez, we alternated being the one who ended up in the compromising situation and who had to do the walk of shame home (it was usually only from Kelsey back to Mackenzie but I digress). I should probably preface this abbreviated story with the simple fact that I have the weakest gag reflex on the planet. If I were to chug a beer too fast, I would probably end up puking. It reminds me of that one night that Ash was hooking up with Scrmn Cheez (he called himself that) and I with Dumpy Dave. I don't think I ever told you this but, Dumpy Dave sits in front of me in my sociology of gender seminar. Hopefully none of that happens to you tonight!