My mild autism brings all the boys to the yard

So Phil is freaking out about whether or not he has Autism and I'm all like I've always thought I had some sort of mild form of autism because I can remember the most random shit ever (like pretty much every SKU code in our store, long strings of numbers and I'm always spewing out random factoids for customers and coworkers alike) so I took this test and I got a 32.

Huh...

Anyone else get a score in that range?

I don't really care if I'm autistic or not but I'll take pretty much anything to give me an edge over other applicants when it comes to applying for med school short of mentioning that my family (ahem) kinda has a building named after them at one of Canada's better universities and we were also kinda pioneers in the field of pathology.

Procrastination is next to godliness

I'm on a new diet it seems, consisting primarily of coffee (and the occasional cup of water to calm my nerves), fudge and anything else that is within reach from my perch at the computer.

Why? Well, because I'm desperately trying to finish an essay that's due on Friday and I like a challenge (of course at roughly 35 pages long, this is a smidge masochistic).

and in unrelated cute news: The Pansy and [redacted] ate lunch together so basically, they're pretty much engaged (awww!)

Snack Attack!

It's a studyfest and everyone is invited. Midterms are wrapping up (though I've still got two left) and finals are just around the corner. I've actually been studying pretty hard for the past couple of days - forgoing social endeavours to catch up on schoolwork even! Pancake, Latte, Bacon, and Onion all joined me in the dining room for an informal study group, Onion was eventually informally dispatched to Tim Horton's to pick us up some timbits. We had such intricate order requests that she had to take a cue card with instructions on it in order to get the orders right.

I was just about to blog about how long it was taking her to return with our snacks, when she arrived, giant bag of timbits in tow. We all inspected the contents of our tiny timbit boxes, some grumbling more than others, and scarfed them down.

Pancake (on her timbits): Thank you [Latte] for adding to my racially diverse box

I was pretty tired this afternoon after interspersing our Project Runway marathon with studying, so I took a nap, which was rudely interrupted by the doorbell (thanks to inconsiderate frat boys). I ended up drinking the equivalent of eight cups of coffee, so I think I might pull an all-nighter. My midterm isn't until mid-afternoon and the only other thing I've got on my plate for tomorrow is returning some library books (which can be put off) and our sorority elections at our weekly meeting.

back to the grindstone.

Sometimes the internet knows me better than I know myself

Half-Cocked
Random Brutal Sex Dreamer (RBSDf)


Fiery. Hungry. Blatant. Sexual. Christ. You are Half-Cocked.

There's a lot of wild lust inside you, banging around, that much is obvious. There's also a lot of untamed emotion. When either escapes, look out. One minute you're completely together, the next you're a howling gale of hormones and opinions.

Outside relationships, your intense, mercurial personality makes you a charmer. You can be fiercely devoted, and it's likely that many of your friends will be friends-for-life. Of course, your enemies are likewise certain and zealous, especially your exes and their therapists.

Your exact opposite:
The Maid of Honor

Deliberate Gentle Love Master
You will find the right person. In the short term, he's someone virile who won't sweat your imperfections. In the long term, he will be someone mature and caring who will grow to love them.


ALWAYS AVOID: The Slow Dancer

CONSIDER: The Playboy, The Billy Goat

The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.

posted by team latte at 1:19 PM 0 comments links to this post
Friday, March 17, 2006
Wine & Cheese

Today is St. Patrick's Day but it was also our big brothers' annual Founder's Day Wine & Cheese event, complete with the requisite boxed wine (both red and white), cheese (marble), and chee-tos (both puffy and crunchy). I was a long day so I only stayed for an hour and a half, but in that short span of time I managed to down three punch cups filled to the brim with wine.



In the past 24 hrs I've worked 16, so I'll try to keep this short so that I have plenty of time to cry myself to sleep before I have to work again tomorrow night.



When I'm bored at work, I usually resort to reading the 6 or so free magazines we have. There's a certain non-binding order that I read them in...

* The Gateway (the university's newspaper)
* See (a free newspaper)
* Vue Weekly (see above)
* Exclaim! (a monthly music magazine)
* Outlooks (a gay mothly arts & entertainment magazine)
* City Palate (a monthly cooking magazine)

...and I had already exercised all of my other options so today was Outlooks/City Palate day. When I say read, I mean cover to cover here. Since we can't serve alcohol until 10:30am (because of our liquor license) it was pretty slow until around 11:30am.


Back to the point of the story. I was reading Vue (or maybe it was See - they're pretty much interchangeable) and this little orange flyer falls out. I'm intrigued because I love fraternity/sorority history stuff. The only thing that interests me more is secret society stuff. So when I see this flyer for the Order of the Serpentine, my curiosity is definitely piqued.

That is, until I actually read the flyer, and realize that it's just an advertisement for Axe. For those of you not familiar with the deodorant/cologne combo that is Axe - you apparently don't fraternize with enough Hollister-wearing frat boys. Axe smells like ass, and pretty much guarantees you won't be getting any play despite what the commercials would have you believe. Axe-bombing (the act of puncturing a can of Axe and throwing it into an unsuspecting victim's room, preferably to stifle any chance of them hooking up) has turned into a veritable sport in dorms/frat houses across campus.

Technology Update:

My phone sucks because the buttons have stopped responding! I can't even check my voicemail or do telephone banking because my phone can't tell when I'm pressing the buttons.

My camera sucks because for some reason the imaging software that comes with it, has switched to being in Japanese, boo!

An as yet untitled post...

The mature student at the front (because really where else would a mature student sit - the front allows them to be as vocal as possible as often as they'd like) started talking about her husband and their very (emphasis hers, not mine) active sex life and people literally start sticking their fingers in their ears. How did this come up? Well we were talking about the Kama Sutra in my gender class.


The whole time I was thinking of a conversation I had with Asshat about the same topic; he responded that "Kama Sutra is way too complicated for me [...] you need a chair in there and stuff!"

Fiscal responsiblity is for chumps

More insight on world issues from mature students

Mature Student: We need to bring those African midwives over here and teach them about health issues and sterilization.

Prof: Well we can't really do that then because that's colonialism...

Prof: []...and if i did that I'd probably end up in jail, but I've been in many jails before, so it could be an ethnographic experiment

Wonders will never cease

Yesterday I raged on about the bitches in my soc class for taking up all the seats, blah blah blah. Turns out the reason there were so few seats is because I have a midterm tomorrow in that class. Um, right. I figured a midterm was coming up sooner or later, it just never occured to me that it would be tomorrow. This might not have snuck up on the average person, but since I ditched school for an entire week last week, I have no one to blame but myself.


I decided to skip my criminology class this afternoon to study (I have to work in 6 hours), and my first order of business was checking my RSS feeds (the second of course, is watching my stories). Kate over at Logged Hours outlines why relationships make you fat, yet another reason why I'm not in a relationship Latte. This of course makes it somewhat hard to find a formal date*, so as long as you're not Franchise, I'd be down with taking you as my date.


On that note, I have to go watch Days...and study of course.

*my only real requirements being that you:
are literate, are funny, will put out

Move Bitch!

Yeah, so I'm sitting at home right now watching Days instead of sitting in my sociology of gender class. Why? Well because I was supposed to meet a friend for coffee between classes and then we walk to class together. The coffee* place is literally across the atrium from my soc class, so imagine my surprise when I arrive in front of my class 5 minutes before it's set to begin, and literally every seat but two in the middle of class is occupied (one of the seats was next to 'Dumpy Dave' so that option was obviously out of the question).

Fuck!

I know it's a really hard concept to grasp, but sometimes people have to go to the bathroom between classes or their previous class is across campus. So if you could simply move one seat over and leave one or two seats near the edge of the class free for people like myself it would be greatly appreciated. I pay the same $500+ per class as you do, so it's the least you could do.

Today's reasoning for being slightly late was somewhat lame, but 2 years ago I had an 11am class in Business (as far south as you can go on campus pretty much), a 12 noon class in Med Sci (on the edge of the north end of the main campus), and then I had to get back to Business for a 1pm class. If you're lucky and you aren't trapped behind the slowest walkers on earth, you can barely make it on time (assuming of course that the traffic lights are in your favour), I don't think I was ever on time for my class in Med Sci, and the prof totally thought I was the biggest slacker, but it wasn't my fault. On the plus side, the TA was quite fond of my friend and I, so it didn't really affect my mark in the class.

i'm out

team gingerbread

*oh, and I forgot to mention how gross the coffee was. Somehow I always conveniently forget how bad Aramark coffee is; I swear to God there were undertones of roasted goat meat. The only reason I drank it is that I'm so bloody cheap that I refused to throw out my $1.59 hot cuppa ass. I could have gone to Timmy Ho's on the way home and played Rrroll Up the Rim to Win!

Mature Students: Know when to draw the line

I missed my Anthropology of Gender class on Tuesday (because I was in Vancouver) and was catching up with a friend of mine who's also in the class. Apparently, we started the male genital cutting unit, superb; 2 weeks of circumcision, genital flaying and other delights. It's a pretty note-centered class with minimal discussion, so when the entire row of mature students at the front of the class started in with the comments, a groan arose from the back of the class. It was the typical 'I'm older, ipso facto, my opinions are more valid than yours'.

One girl in our class is writing her thesis on the decline of the acceptance of male genital cutting (circumcision) in Alberta, and stated how it's next-to-impossible to find a doctor that will perform the surgery. The mature student with the daughter in our class pipes up and states that her daughter just had two sons, so it is in fact possible to have the procedure done. Long story short, even the prof ended up telling the woman to stuff it, and proclaimed that it was clear that some doctors might still do the procedure, but most will not. Her daughter must have found one of those doctor's but that she was getting sidetracked.

The prof then tries to redirect the conversation back to the topic at hand, a good discussion ensues then, out of nowhere, the mature student that sits in the corner (and is actively involved in the University of Alberta Undergraduate Anthropology Students' Association) decided to let us know that her life partner is circumcised and that it was botched. I'm pretty sure I saw at least three or four people gagging, myself included. She then proceeds to tell us, in graphic detail, about the sexual struggles they've endured, how sometimes sex hurts for him, and if they will circumcise their own children (they plan on it in case you're interested). WTF? When did it become appropriate to talk about shit like this in class? I know, it's a gender class, and I know we're talking about male genital cutting, but at no time did the prof ever solicit personal, sexually explicit stories featuring horsefaced mature students.

I can't even look at this woman without picturing her engaged in some pretty vile sex acts.

I think I might have thrown up in my mouth a little, fuck!

Drop it like it's Mah!

We had a party at our house last night and a sex toy party this afternoon. I don't really have time to do a full post but I'll tide you over with some quotes

Overheard at the 'Partay in the Hizzay':

Buffy: I think she's hooking up

Waffle: [Pancake] doesn't fuck!


Waffle: Why are you so dressed up?

Posh: Um, because I didn't go home last night!


Overheard at the Sex toy party:

Janelle (the presenter): Silicone on silicone equals screeching halt!


Onion: Just put it on your nipple; you'll like it.


Janelle: It's going to give you the feeling like you just popped a Halls in your mouth, but in your panties. Nexy we have Coochy Cream, another product for Hott and Hairless (Pancake's sex toy party name - I'll post the full list later)

Not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed

I almost forgot about this gem from yesterday's class.


Overheard in my Sociology of Gender seminar:


Tanorexic Ditz: Um how do people come up with all these questions? It's like people sit at home thinking up stuff to ask in class!

Seminar Chick: They're probably based on the readings

Tanorexic Ditz: (looks confused)

Seminar Chick: You know, from the coursepack

Tanorexic Ditz: We have a coursepack?

Seminar Chick: Yeah, what did you study from for the exam?

Tanorexic Ditz: You know, I thought it was weird that we didn't have a book for this class...
(other seminar group members look away and try to stifle laughter)

I don't know what to say, other than I hope there are more people like her in our class. Getting a 4.0 will be a walk in the park that way.

Skipping school is hotter than liquefied suet

Our sorority hosts this 'Drink a Small Town Dry'-type event every year at around this time. But I'm counting down the hours by reading the archives of my favourite blogs and drinking Vanilla Stolis w/ Ginger Ale and a twist of lime at work.

I ran into an old colleague and we traded stories about skipping school. Yesterday, I unintentionally skipped school. How does one do that, you might ask; simple. i woke up at around 8am, which is ridiculously early since i have class at 1pm, I think to myself, but I can't fall back asleep. I end up doing readings that I should have done last week, in classes that I haven't gone to. I eventually emerge from my room to make breakfast and watch Angelina Jolie's E! True Hollywod Story on STAR!

I wash my dishes, listen to some music, and pack up my books and my laptop to go to school in time for my 1pm class. I'm about a block away from my house when I realize that I left my cell phone at home, but I tell my self there's no point in going back for it since I'm only goinng to be at school for 1 hour. I walk about half a block further when it hits me: It's Thursday, and not Wednesday! So that class I had been trying to make it for had already started.

The worst part is that even though the class is 80 minutes long, there are so many desks crammed into this timy room, that the only way to get to the 1 free desk in the back is to get everyone to stand up and move their desks slightly. So I walked home and told my sob story to Pancake, who laughed in my face.

Then I watched both episodes of Days of Our Lives and went shopping. What a waste of a day.

My friend Bobbie had skipped school to write an essay, except she didn't even end up opening the word file. Instead, she spent 4 hours filing out a profile for a prominent online dating site and making cookies. The cookies were terrible and turned into syrupy mush, but she ate some of the batter anyways. Bobbie was so dejected that she left the rest on the counter and fully expects her dog to have eaten the remaining batter/subsequently thrown it up by the time she returns.

a consistently truant team gingerbread

Arrh, spare some change for a homeless pirate!

So it turns out that I have a midterm (we'll only have had 6 classes by the time the midterm rolls around and the first class lasted 10 minutes, and we spent 2 of the remaining 5 classes watching a movie) on Tuesday in my Sociology of Gender class...booo!

I guess I shouldn't have skipped last class so that I could go to the KSig BBQ in quad. I know the post title is totally unrelated, but I think it's funny, and Pancake's mom thinks I'm funny; ipso facto, it's funny!

It's like apples and Cadillacs

It's gotten to the point in my morning Gender class that people are actually making not so subtle barbed comments about the mature student at the front. Some random guy at the back also informed us that the other girl who sits at the front with her is actually her daughter. So it's a mother-daughter tag team duo. More fun with mature students:

prof: what do you call a woman going though menopause?

mature student: (exclaims emphatically) fabulous!

prof: umm no that's not quite what i was going for

man in back: fuck! (exclaims somewhat quietly and simulates shooting himself in the temple)

others nod sympathetically

man in back: please, kill me now!


sophia: it would be so awkward to be in the same class as your mom

gingerbread: well, it would be cool if she bought you your books

sofia: umm...it would be cool if your mom wasn't stupid

yeah, I still hate mature students

Oh the joys of 'Mature Students'!

We went out for some social drinks after meeting last night and met up with some of our big brothers, the gentlemen of Lambda Chi Alpha, at our local watering hole and partook in another match of 'Bitch, Please!'. Latte, Pancake, and Waffle were all there, but P&W didn't drink. Pancake did however manage to assault both myself and Latte, you can't see it in this picture, but my ear was actually BLEEDING! I'm ok though.


On another note...

It turns out that the best way to get over a minor hangover is to have those thoughts pushed out of your head only to be replaced by seething anger directed at the mature students in my Anthropology of Gender class this morning. Maybe you just don't get that even though you might be the same age as the prof, you are not and will never be on the same level as them in the context of the university; that's just how it works. The unspoken rules of university hierarchy dictate this. So if you could just STFU, it would be greatly appreciated!

Sincerely,
Gingerbread

...from the back of my second gender class of the day, peace.