Drunk Bunch

I was relating to some friends how I've recently become celibate because The Engineer is moving to Toronto, and as such I've decided to go off the pill because I don't really have any desire to be liasing with anyone else just yet. I described myself as being borderline asexual and somehow the topic of 'sex for one' came up, which I quickly nixed because at any given time of day I can almost always count on some drunken outburst from the hobos who live in the alley behind my apartment and it's really hard to, you know, get in the mood when people are hurling insults at each other at the loudest possible volume underneath your window - unless you're into that, to each their own I suppose.

Why do they frequent my alley you ask, well because it's within walking stumbling distance from not one, nor two, but three liquor stores - super rad!

Ed. It seems that the drunken hobos have since consumed all of their alcohol and are now passed out, only waking up briefly to vomit and wrestle?

Very nice. The air is filled with the sweet sounds of retching.

The Bowling Party - Part 3

Feel free to catch up on the first two parts if you'd like...

So where were we?

Right, so I'm at home with The Engineer, in the middle of an epic fight, and The Pansy is getting her drink on down Whyte with some of the guys. At this point The Gentle Giant is suitably wasted as are Tex, The Musician, and The Pansy. The Musician ran into his band's manager so he ditched out leaving the other three on their own.

The Pansy and The Gentle Giant start having a rather explicit conversation about why exactly it is that 'they can't do this' which manages to creep out Tex who quickly offers to switch spots with The Pansy, so that she can sit next to The Gentle Giant.

They eventually take their conversation outside, and outside the bar quickly turns into standing outside The Gentle Giant's house, the inaugural house tour, and finally getting down to business for 2+ hours (uh, hello bladder infection?).

Fast forward to the morning after, The Pansy stumbles home (one half of her hair curly, the other straight) to wash the scent of man off before her scheduled breakfast date with her Dad.

Back to my side of the story.

I'm with The Engineer who has cleverly convinced me to just use the washroom at his house and is obviously trying to segue that into a quick romp on the leather couch, much to my amusement (we're supposed to be taking a well-deserved break) - you can't have you cake and eat it too. But, he's cute and I have little resolve when it comes to him, so I give in...just a bit.

I get in a little over my head and hastily call it off, much to his annoyance and I retreat to the washroom to make myself presentable/actually go to the washroom. I exit the bathroom only to find him standing there arms crossed with an expectant, amused, slightly irritated smirk on his face. He fully expects me to cave, but not this time.

We resort to childish name-calling and playing the blame game when I come up with easily one of my best argumentative phrases, and he's suddenly quiet. He throws money on the table (for the cab ride, not my services) and tells me that if I want to leave so badly, here's my chance. He gives me one of his classic, 'I'm sorry I let it get this far' looks and tells me to call him later. I'm still angry because I don't forgive and forget all that easily and I sit in silence in the living room while he putters around aimlessly.

I wait for what feels like an hour and rush out the door as the cab pulls up without even a backwards glance. Sleep is fleeting, and not exactly restful and I wonder how it is that I still don't really want to let him go...

The Bowling Party - Part 2

Where to begin? Well here's the Coles Notes version of the night (now with 30% more ambiguity).

The Aussie was turning 28 (or is it 29, we're really not that close so I have no clue, but he's nice) and decided to celebrate by going bowling - to quote AirQuote "I guess that's what you do when you get old...don't tell him I said that"

I fully expected it to be quite lame and was already formulating excuses in my head as we were on our way there, but I really had nothing better on my plate and lately I've been all about trying new things (with varying degrees of success).

We got there (The Pansy, AirQuote and I) and promptly ran into the guys (BarelyLegalBoy, The Gentle Giant, and The Musician amongst others) who were busying themselves drinking and playing pool while they waited for the lanes to free up.

Pleasantries were exchanged and after finishing up his game of pool with BarelyLegalBoy, The Gentle Giant went out of his way to get a drink at the furthest bar possible - strange since he claims to be giving up drinking. I thought it was a tad weird because ever since that one night, he hasn't really let himself get drunk around her, as if he's scared of what might happen...

The lanes have freed up, so the guys excuse themselves. The Pansy and AirQuote are in the middle of shooting pool, and we promise to catch up as soon as we're done. 15 minutes later and we sidle up just as they're picking out names for the scoreboard. The Gentle Giant is being really nice (side note: he's never an asshole, he just never really goes out of his way to do anything nice for anyone except customers and The Pansy) and clears all the jackets out of the way so that we can see the action. He casually flits between his group and our group, playfully ribbing The Pansy about her new sweater (FYI - Curious George doesn't wear clothes so that isn't really an apt nickname) and imbibing his fair share of the booze.

The Pansy plays it cool (or oblivious, who knows) and retreats to buy The Aussie a birthday shot but he reveals himself to be a rather cheap drunk "I'm a little bitch!" and she and The Aussie Girlfriend do tequila while he does Sourpuss.

The Pansy is back at the table, she and The Gentle Giant go out for a smoke, I casually decline my non-invite as AirQuote and I joke around about how awkward it would be to just up and join them at this point. The Musician is bowling terribly and rewarding himself with yet more beer - which no doubt had an adverse effect on his game.

Out of nowhere, The Gentle Giant whips out his cell and covertly gets The Non-black Urban Guy to switch shifts with him, so he's now closing, as is The Pansy - suspicious. At this point I figured they were for sure going to hook up, but I didn't voice my suspicions with anyone because BarelyLegalBoy was sitting across from us, and he's an even bigger gossip than The Archaeologist.

The Musician, The Pansy, and I all had a little bro-down about how much we missed The Archaeologist, and what a good guy he is once you really get to know him. The night is rolling along quite well and I'm having a wicked good time which almost never happens when I go into something with a negative mindset. We go out for another smoke break and it's me, The Gentle Giant and The Pansy. The Gentle Giant remembers that it's his friend's birthday but he kinda seems like he doesn't want to leave because he's having a good time and The Pansy's there. He goes in before us because he's cold (he didn't bring his coat out with him) and we quickly finish up and go in as well.

The Non-black Urban Guy and his girlfriend show up later and they're up for a round of bowling (is it even called a round, or is is a set...match...who knows?) but we're all on the train to drunk-town "Someone drank the rest of my pitcher, I swear!" "Um, actually that was you..." "Oh, are you serious? No!". I'm not even sure if they got to bowl. We kicked it for a while and then The Pansy asked me if I'd be mad if they peaced out to Whyte because The Gentle Giant had to meet up with friends.

I assured her that I would be fine on my own and off I went to catch the bus, except it was super cold out and I bitched out and called The Engineer who dutifully came and picked me up. He jokingly told me that if he picked me up I had to sleep with him, those are just the rules. "Agree to disagree" was my coy remark, but I was just really tired and using him to avoid a ride on the bus. We got to his house and started fooling around and then I was just like "What am I doing? I only came in because I had to go to the washroom". Kind of a mood killer, but I went to the bathroom and decided that it was a bad idea and told him I was going home.

I don't even know how that turned into an argument from there, but we got into it. I wasn't feeling it, which is weird because I normally like conflict but I was super tired and just told him "Fuck it! and that if he wanted to rip my head off he'd have to wait until [tomorrow]".

...and then I let him pay for my cab ride home (because he offered - he felt bad).

The Pansy texted me to make sure that I got home ok.

(to be continued)

I just remembered I have 3 gourmet chocolate covered pretzels with my name on them in my bag and this is as good as reason as any to gorge myself.

The Bowling Party - Part 1

If you had asked me earlier on in the week what I was doing on Friday night, I probably would have said 'who knows?', but bowling definitely would not have come to mind, yet there we all were celebrating a coworker's birthday.

More emphasis was put on seeing how many pitchers of beer we could put away as opposed to how many pins we knocked down, but it was a good time - one of those 'it's so lame it's cool' moments for sure.

The Gentle Giant, The Pansy, Tex and The Musician all went out on Whyte afterwards while I got a ride home with The Engineer - except I didn't end up staying there opting instead to sleep in my own bed much to his chagrin and I was too tired to get into an argument over nothing in particular so I deftly put off the inevitable fight.

Of course I had simply hoped that he would quickly forget, but no such luck.

Can't resist the mist

So I've actually started researching my gender paper - I finally settled on 'Female Chauvinist Pigs' as my topic, and I had to pick up some book at both the campus library and the public library. I'm minding my business on the LRT headed downtown when I notice the guy facing me is staring. I assume he doesn't know that I can see him since I'm wearing sunglasses. I avoid his gaze by looking at the gentleman to my left when I notice that he's drinking alcohol (it's 2pm) - and not just any alcohol, but Arbor Mist! For those of you not in the know, Arbor Mist is a wine-based fruit beverage targeted to the 20 to 30-something ladies who lunch, of course most of the people who drink it are underage.

When I was a kid, I'd always see these lame commercials on TV for Arbor Mist that featured a group of white 30-something women in a social setting such as a picnic or a day at the beach. They'd all be drinking Arbor Mist while their boyfriends were off in the distance, presumably doing something manly like barbecuing. The guys would eventually try to con the girls into giving them some Arbor Mist and the girls would just laugh and make them do increasingly difficult tasks for a taste. At the end of the ads, they'd usually clink glasses and jovially proclaim 'Now that deserves and Arbor Mist!'

When I saw the guy on the train drinking Arbor Mist, those commercials kept running through my head, the kicker was the fact that about a minute after I noticed what he was drinking, Gravy Train!!!'s Sippin' 40oz. started playing on my mp3 player, gold!

In other news, my sinuses are clogged, which sucks because there is so much pressure building up in my head that I'm getting a migraine, boo!