Are you mocking me?

Just what I need: a daily reminder of my lacklustre sex life!


The gifts keep rolling in, I guess my family hasn't forgotten about me. I always kind of wonder if being 3 provinces away means out of sight, out of mind. Oh well. So I got a package with 5 books (there's supposed to be another one coming but it's on backorder) today, and I was so excited thinking that it could be my new phone that when I saw it was a birthday gift I didn't really care to open it.


This kind of annoyed Pancake so I told her that I was just going to wait until the second she left to open it, but I rethought that as she waved her fist menacingly. I open the box and the first book I see is Daily Sex: 365 Positions and Activities for a Year of Great Sex! I'm initially pretty creeped out because sex is just something that we don't talk about in my family. The 'big talk' that I got in 8th grade amounted to my dad knocking on my door, making some awkward small talk, and then quietly asking 'you talk about intercourse and that stuff at school right?' I nodded and then he said 'great' and closed the door.


The 'talk' with my mom consisted of her yelling at me when I wanted my health card in grade 11. She jumped to conclusions and quite logically assumed that I was pregnant and was getting an abortion, when in fact I only needed proof of address to renew my library card. Since I was only 14 at the time, I didn't have a driver's license. I was an obnoxious kid, so of course I never told her the real reason for needing it.


Why would either of my parents ever send me something like this?


Then I actually looked at the packing slip and I read that my cool aunt Sylvia and her daughter Sarah had sent it to me.


The rest of the books were pretty standard. I love the photography in cookbooks so I got Martha Stewart's Baking Handbook, Lisa P. Young's the Portion Teller (kind of counterintuitive considering the first book), Myla Goldberg's Bee Season, and Lauren Weisberger's Everyone Worth Knowing. The book that is on backorder is some cookbook from Rachel Ray.